SupermaN!!

The last few days found me feeling great, happy and free!

I've had a chance to hangout with my great friends and through spending time with them I've rediscovered love, peace, friendship, trust, honesty and what it means to be treated with respect and kindness.

Earlier this week I made some strong strides toward getting gainfully employed. Starting next week I'll be taking a 4 day class which should further those strides and then I shall have to take a test to prove I can do what the job requires. Soon I'll be back to Money Making Damon. Not that I've been not making coins these last weeks. Because that wouldn't be the truth. The money has rolled in. Taking care of myself and my dog is going so much better than anyone could have predicted and I've managed to land on my feet. This is always the way it has been.

There is some amazing music that has come across me recently. I have been getting some hot sound shit these days and whoever gets a mixed cd from me will be able to tell where my head is at!! My favorite track at the moment is "Be By Myself." It's hotter than a stolen car and represents everything I stand for right now.

My dog Music and I have rediscovered a bond that grows stronger each day. She goes everywhere I go and she looks better, seems happier and is so affectionate towards me that it makes me want to cry just writing about it.

The last year and a half since I knew my ex (who I shall never mention by name again in this blog) I found myself holding back. Or was I being held back. LOL. Who knows? But I do not care. I feel free and this is an exciting new time in my life.

Last night as I was walking to my friend Steve's house from Muni and I even saw my ex. I know I looked good. My body is changing because I've been taking care myself . He walked right in front of me and it didn't even bother me to see him. He's ugly and I didn't even realize it was him until I was past him. God, did I have crack glasses on when we were together? His cheeks looked hollow and he was dressed so out of style that I had to laugh when I realized who it was.

Last night on my way back to the place that is Me and Music temporary home someone from a window above me was whistling the theme song from the Superman movies. With all I've been put through this song represents how I'm feeling about myself. I must be a Superman. Surviving and thriving during the darkest of times is my personal motto these days. And that makes me a Superman!!

Free at lasT`

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

-Dr. Martin Luther King
I Have a Dream - Address at March on Washington
August 28, 1963. Washington, D.C

FREEDOM!!

Today was very interesting.

One more forced encounter with Geoffrey due to his filing of a one year restraining order against me. We both had our Lawyers and Geoffrey was allowed to present a very lop sided version of the events that led to him filing this bogus order. He plays the victim so well that the Judge granted him a six month order against me. I honestly think if I had been white he would have not granted the request. His story was full of holes and the most unsubstantiated retelling of events I think I've heard.

I never spoke and maybe my Lawyer did his best to defend my actions but it truly was a waste of time. The system is stacked in the filers favor and it seems to me that my side of this story was never considered.

Geoffrey is joke of a man. Even taking the time today to write about him is something I don't want to do. My feelings at this moment are ones of relief and indifference. If he thinks that I'm bothered by this legal wall between us he is sadly mistaken. This restraining order allows me the freedom I've always craved and truly thrills me.

The only reason I opposed his legal action in the first place was on the strength of my lawyers advice. I should have thanked the Judge at the end of the hearing but I could only manage to smile as I walked out from the proceedings.

I honestly am happy to be rid of him and today does nothing but makes me feel great. I don't hate or love him and he means nothing to me. The time with him wasn't a happy time but now my future can be. Right now everything is perfect and its time to steer towards that future. I wouldn't change one thing I've done and I have zero regret in regards toward my past actions with the ug- G -Ly oNe!!! He tried to abuse me emotionally, physically and sexually. Now that he has his restraining order he'll have to find someone else to blame for his troubles. Today wasn't about the court granting his request. It was about giving Geoffrey an order to release me. He wasn't granted a restraining order! He was ordered to liberate me!

If he were a Super Villain in his cartoon life, then his super power would the Negative Effect. Collateral Damage Geoffrey strikes again!! That means that just by knowing him that this would cause a negative effect. In other words-Geoffrey is Bad Luck. My life has gone from good/great to bad and now worse since DAY 1 of him entering my sphere of existence.

The only thing I would change is that I would not have lowered my standards and allowed him access to me.

Mr. Crybaby never could keep up with me in anyway. He didn't deserve my time or effort. He is a waste of life and not worth remembering in anyway.

Thankfully he's now in my past and happiness and celebrations are in order for tonight! Its time to go have fun with my new sexy friend Steve and smile that Geoffrey L. Newman fell into my trap.

Today gave me everything I ever wanted.

Freedom!!!

More April Photos

Buddhist Thought For The Week

We say, "In calmness there should be activity; ' in activity there should be calmness." Actually, they are the same thing; to say "calmness" or to say "activity" is just to express different interpretations of one fact. There is harmony in our activity, and where there is harmony there is calmness. - D.T. Suzuki

I Hate You Geoffrey L. Newman.

I just cant seem to motivate these days.

Maybe I'm depressed. Wouldn't that be a surprise. I mean my life is peachy. I married a alleged drug (ghb) dealing, crazy, asshole. Yea. I feel great!! Thanks Geoffrey Newman. His house was raided by the police almost two weeks ago. I wish I could have been there to laugh at him and point while he was dragged out in handcuffs. I'm no rat but I wish I'd known how deep his little lies went. I would have loved to help put his ass in jail.

When we were going through some of our worst arguing he yelled at me," I'm gonna make you hate me!!"

Well, here it is. I hate you Geoffrey L. Newman and from the deep reaches of my soul I curse you. May all the evil you've done me come and visit you in someway.

Hopefully now maybe I can move past all this shit in my life.

Time ticks away and everyday that doesn't get used fully is lost opportunities and missed chances to improve my lot.

Only I can do it. Because god knows I cant rely on Evil and Cursed Geoffrey for anything but empty promises.

APRIL PHOTOS

Where's Damon? North Beach, San Francisco, CA

I finally got tired of friends providing me and my dog with shelter.

There was just no way I could accept it anymore. Not that there's a ungrateful bone in my body! Without the few friends in my life these last few weeks would have been impossable to get through. But during a conversation with a friend today I came to realize that having my own space (tempoary or otherwise) is my greatest need.

Sometimes Evil Geoffrey has managed to inflict a great deal of hurt on me, my life and my dog. But the most hurtful act has been that he took away any sense of stability and grounding I might have thought I had. What makes it worse is that he is fully aware of my great need to have a place to call home. Music also suffers because she has had to go everywhere with me and can't get comfy for too long.

Well, for the next week the both of us can get a little more comfortable because I've rented a room in the North Beach area of SF.

I am not sure where we will land this time next week but for now I've got a small room in the North Beach Hotel. The room is cute, clean and cheap. It also has cable tv and comes with a wireless internet connection.

So for now i've got some breathing room and by tomorrow it will be time to start looking for work and the filling up of my small but efficant riefridgerator.

So much to do and only I can do it.

BUT...

I shall get it done.

Buddhist thought for the week

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. - Buddha

THIS ONE IS MINE

Good morning from Ingleside!! I just woke up in what could soon be my new apartment!! Two friends of mine have rented a house near UCSF and there seems to be enough room (it's In-Laws apartment in the back) for me and my Dog Music.

The space needs a bit of work and a fierce cleaning but the rent Would be cheap and just what I can afford. Plus the pup would have a back yard to hang out in. And a place to have naked Bar-BQ's when the weather permits!! :-)

Details and plans are yet to be finalized but so far so good.

Today, I'll be heading to the bank to close a joint account Geoffrey and I had together. I'm glad I can take care of myself once again and do it mostly without help from Geoffrey. I allowed myself to become co dependent and that will never (I can only hope) happen again.

After the bank it's then off to the Doctors to get an abscess on my left lower leg lanced, drained and bandaged up. It's not the first time I've had one of these but it's been a good while since I had to be cut open.

Sigh..If it's not one thing it's another.

But I can deal because that's life...And this one is mine!

Buddhist Thought for the Week

I believe that words can help us move or keep us paralyzed, and that our choices of language and verbal tone have something—a great deal—to do with how we live our lives and whom we end up speaking with and hearing; and that we can deflect words, by trivialization, of course, but also by ritualized respect, or we can let them enter our souls and mix with the juices of our minds.

-Adrienne Rich (b. 1929)

LOVE IT ALL AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT

As I sat in meditation yesterday afternoon my thoughts wondered again upon well tread questions.

Questions that I think we've all asked ourselves at one time or another.

"What is the meaning of life?"

"What is my purpose in life. Or put another way; "Is there a reason or anyway to explain why I am here,"

"Does god exist?"

"How do I deal effectively with difficult times this life gives me"

"What is reality?"

Thinking these thoughts plus a multitude of other questions created many possible answers and ideas. But only one answered the most important question I seem to have these days.

Dealing effectively with so called tough times.

My answer to that is this.

Love. It will help you to enjoy the ride of every storm. If you embrace the hurt..then dealing with it becomes easy. Love ALL parts of oneself (even the flaws as others may call them) and finding a sort of haven during times of self loathing doubt and uncertainty. If dealing with a rude and normally repulsive person then soak up that rudeness and love it for its raw honesty. Because LoVe is the only way to cope. It makes that mountain everyone climbs an ant hill. Even Loving the HIV positive me allows me the right to put my health and needs first.

I shall love it all ..No matter what comes my way.

I see now that to be truly happy and to deal with those things I wished not to, I must embrace the bad in my life as well as the good!!

All the pleasure, favorite and good stuff.

Along with the hurt, sad and bad stuff!!!

I say today, the purposes of my life is to:

Love it All

and Make the Best of it!!!

Photos

Who's The Fool

Despite recent negative developments in my marriage my effort and interest have always been in that directions. Speaking with him for the first time yesterday; Geoffrey only brought up past arguments and problems.

I've been sending him message after message trying to reconcile because I do love him but I can't take being shut out of his life for much longer. Everyday that passes moves us further and further apart from our relationship and the love that we share.

This has been one of the most trying times in my life and I just hope it ends sooner than later.

On this April 1st I wonder..

Who's the fool? The fool or the fool who loves the fool?

How I'm Starting Over

The past months have been an interestingly sad and rough time for my marriage. So many things have gone quickly awry that even knowing where to start in this tale seems impossible.

Despite taking vows and committing myself to a life long relationship today finds me separated, considering a divorce and staying in the Bay View District at friends place.

It's easy to accept that we both are to be held responsable for how we treated and dealt with problems. It seems like everything was an argument and those led to screaming match's and on a couple of sad occasions, kicking and hitting.

Most of my belongings are still at Geoffreys but I was however able to rescue my dog this past week. We gotta love small victories!!

It was a hard seven days with out her and it's very mean that she was purposly kept from me. But I have her now and we both will adjust.

This next week I'll start the painful process of seeing lawyers and applying for GA(general assitance) while looking for a job. I've also a doctors appointment and other social/personal/professional commitment this coming week. There is lots to do and hopefully I'll keep me busy starting over..my life getting better is only going to happen if I make it so.

Becoming Buddha

In Buddhism, buddhahood (Sanskrit: buddhatva.Pali: buddhatta. Or (both) buddhabhāva) is the state of perfect enlightenment (Sanskrit: samyaksambodhi. Pali: sammāsambodhi) attained by a buddha (Pali/Sanskrit for "awakened one").

In Buddhism, the term 'buddha' usually refers to one who has become enlightened (i.e., awakened to the truth, or Dharma). The level to which this manifestation requires abstraction from ordinary life (ascetic practices) varies from none at all to an absolute requirement, dependent on doctrine. In Theravada Buddhist traditions, it is held that the person attains this state on their own, without a teacher to point out the Dharma, in a time when the teachings on the Four Noble Truths or the Eightfold Path do not exist in the world, and teaches it to others. In contrast, certain Mahayana Buddhist traditions (particularly those that consider the teachings of the Lotus Sutra to be paramount, which contains this concept) Buddhahood is considered to be a universal and innate property of absolute wisdom that is revealed in a person's current lifetime through Buddhist practice, without any specific relinquishment of pleasures or "earthly desires". Thus, there is an extremely broad spectrum of opinion on the universality and method of attainment of Buddhahood which is correlated to which of Shakyamuni Buddha's teachings that a school of Buddhism follows.

More broadly, it is occasionally used to refer to all who attain nirvana.[1]. In this broader sense it is equivalent to Arahant. According to Theravada Buddhism, all Arahants (or Buddhas in the broader sense) are the same in the most fundamental aspects of Liberation (Nirvana), but differ in their practice of perfections paramis. Mahayana Buddhism, however, considers there is a fundamental difference between Buddhas and ordinary arhants, on the way to becoming a Buddha, a buddhist proceeds bodhisattva stages. Buddhists do not consider Siddhartha Gautama to have been the only Buddha. The Pali Canon refers to many previous ones (see List of the 28 Buddhas), while the Mahayana tradition additionally has many Buddhas of celestial, rather than historical, origin (see Amitabha or Vairocana as examples, lists of many thousands buddha names see Taisho Tripitaka no 439-448). A common Theravada and Mahayana Buddhist belief is that the next Buddha will be one named Maitreya (Pali: Metteyya).

Buddhist Thought for the Week

I teach that the multitudinousness of objects have no reality in themselves but are only seen of the mind and, therefore, are of the nature of maya and a dream. ...It is true that in one sense they are seen and discriminated by the senses as individualized objects; but in another sense, because of the absence of any characteristic marks of self-nature, they are not seen but are only imagined. In one sense they are graspable, but in another sense, they are not graspable. -Buddha

Buddhist Thought for the Week

INDIAN POEM

"This day is a special day, it is yours.
Yesterday slipped away, it cannot be filled anymore with meaning.
About tomorrow nothing is known.
But this day, today, is yours, make use of it.
Today you can make someone happy.
Today you can help another.
This day is a special day, it is yours."

CREATIVITY RUN AMOK..MORE PHOTOS PLEASE

Buddhist thought the week

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha

New Photos

Buddhist Thought for the Week

A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals a secret of hidden treasure. - Buddha

Buddhist thought for Last week

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
Atisha

Buddhist thought the week

No matter what one does, whether one's deeds serve virtue or vice, nothing lacks importance. All actions bear a kind of fruit. - Buddha

Industrial Photos