Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Buddhist Thought For The Week
We say, "In calmness there should be activity; ' in activity there should be calmness." Actually, they are the same thing; to say "calmness" or to say "activity" is just to express different interpretations of one fact. There is harmony in our activity, and where there is harmony there is calmness. - D.T. Suzuki
Friday, April 24, 2009
I Hate You Geoffrey L. Newman.
I just cant seem to motivate these days.
Maybe I'm depressed. Wouldn't that be a surprise. I mean my life is peachy. I married a alleged drug (ghb) dealing, crazy, asshole. Yea. I feel great!! Thanks Geoffrey Newman. His house was raided by the police almost two weeks ago. I wish I could have been there to laugh at him and point while he was dragged out in handcuffs. I'm no rat but I wish I'd known how deep his little lies went. I would have loved to help put his ass in jail.
When we were going through some of our worst arguing he yelled at me," I'm gonna make you hate me!!"
Well, here it is. I hate you Geoffrey L. Newman and from the deep reaches of my soul I curse you. May all the evil you've done me come and visit you in someway.
Hopefully now maybe I can move past all this shit in my life.
Time ticks away and everyday that doesn't get used fully is lost opportunities and missed chances to improve my lot.
Only I can do it. Because god knows I cant rely on Evil and Cursed Geoffrey for anything but empty promises.
Maybe I'm depressed. Wouldn't that be a surprise. I mean my life is peachy. I married a alleged drug (ghb) dealing, crazy, asshole. Yea. I feel great!! Thanks Geoffrey Newman. His house was raided by the police almost two weeks ago. I wish I could have been there to laugh at him and point while he was dragged out in handcuffs. I'm no rat but I wish I'd known how deep his little lies went. I would have loved to help put his ass in jail.
When we were going through some of our worst arguing he yelled at me," I'm gonna make you hate me!!"
Well, here it is. I hate you Geoffrey L. Newman and from the deep reaches of my soul I curse you. May all the evil you've done me come and visit you in someway.
Hopefully now maybe I can move past all this shit in my life.
Time ticks away and everyday that doesn't get used fully is lost opportunities and missed chances to improve my lot.
Only I can do it. Because god knows I cant rely on Evil and Cursed Geoffrey for anything but empty promises.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Where's Damon? North Beach, San Francisco, CA
I finally got tired of friends providing me and my dog with shelter.
There was just no way I could accept it anymore. Not that there's a ungrateful bone in my body! Without the few friends in my life these last few weeks would have been impossable to get through. But during a conversation with a friend today I came to realize that having my own space (tempoary or otherwise) is my greatest need.
Sometimes Evil Geoffrey has managed to inflict a great deal of hurt on me, my life and my dog. But the most hurtful act has been that he took away any sense of stability and grounding I might have thought I had. What makes it worse is that he is fully aware of my great need to have a place to call home. Music also suffers because she has had to go everywhere with me and can't get comfy for too long.
Well, for the next week the both of us can get a little more comfortable because I've rented a room in the North Beach area of SF.
I am not sure where we will land this time next week but for now I've got a small room in the North Beach Hotel. The room is cute, clean and cheap. It also has cable tv and comes with a wireless internet connection.
So for now i've got some breathing room and by tomorrow it will be time to start looking for work and the filling up of my small but efficant riefridgerator.
So much to do and only I can do it.
BUT...
I shall get it done.
There was just no way I could accept it anymore. Not that there's a ungrateful bone in my body! Without the few friends in my life these last few weeks would have been impossable to get through. But during a conversation with a friend today I came to realize that having my own space (tempoary or otherwise) is my greatest need.
Sometimes Evil Geoffrey has managed to inflict a great deal of hurt on me, my life and my dog. But the most hurtful act has been that he took away any sense of stability and grounding I might have thought I had. What makes it worse is that he is fully aware of my great need to have a place to call home. Music also suffers because she has had to go everywhere with me and can't get comfy for too long.
Well, for the next week the both of us can get a little more comfortable because I've rented a room in the North Beach area of SF.
I am not sure where we will land this time next week but for now I've got a small room in the North Beach Hotel. The room is cute, clean and cheap. It also has cable tv and comes with a wireless internet connection.
So for now i've got some breathing room and by tomorrow it will be time to start looking for work and the filling up of my small but efficant riefridgerator.
So much to do and only I can do it.
BUT...
I shall get it done.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
THIS ONE IS MINE
Good morning from Ingleside!! I just woke up in what could soon be my new apartment!! Two friends of mine have rented a house near UCSF and there seems to be enough room (it's In-Laws apartment in the back) for me and my Dog Music.
The space needs a bit of work and a fierce cleaning but the rent Would be cheap and just what I can afford. Plus the pup would have a back yard to hang out in. And a place to have naked Bar-BQ's when the weather permits!! :-)
Details and plans are yet to be finalized but so far so good.
Today, I'll be heading to the bank to close a joint account Geoffrey and I had together. I'm glad I can take care of myself once again and do it mostly without help from Geoffrey. I allowed myself to become co dependent and that will never (I can only hope) happen again.
After the bank it's then off to the Doctors to get an abscess on my left lower leg lanced, drained and bandaged up. It's not the first time I've had one of these but it's been a good while since I had to be cut open.
Sigh..If it's not one thing it's another.
But I can deal because that's life...And this one is mine!
The space needs a bit of work and a fierce cleaning but the rent Would be cheap and just what I can afford. Plus the pup would have a back yard to hang out in. And a place to have naked Bar-BQ's when the weather permits!! :-)
Details and plans are yet to be finalized but so far so good.
Today, I'll be heading to the bank to close a joint account Geoffrey and I had together. I'm glad I can take care of myself once again and do it mostly without help from Geoffrey. I allowed myself to become co dependent and that will never (I can only hope) happen again.
After the bank it's then off to the Doctors to get an abscess on my left lower leg lanced, drained and bandaged up. It's not the first time I've had one of these but it's been a good while since I had to be cut open.
Sigh..If it's not one thing it's another.
But I can deal because that's life...And this one is mine!
Buddhist Thought for the Week
I believe that words can help us move or keep us paralyzed, and that our choices of language and verbal tone have something—a great deal—to do with how we live our lives and whom we end up speaking with and hearing; and that we can deflect words, by trivialization, of course, but also by ritualized respect, or we can let them enter our souls and mix with the juices of our minds.
-Adrienne Rich (b. 1929)
-Adrienne Rich (b. 1929)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
LOVE IT ALL AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT
As I sat in meditation yesterday afternoon my thoughts wondered again upon well tread questions.
Questions that I think we've all asked ourselves at one time or another.
"What is the meaning of life?"
"What is my purpose in life. Or put another way; "Is there a reason or anyway to explain why I am here,"
"Does god exist?"
"How do I deal effectively with difficult times this life gives me"
"What is reality?"
Thinking these thoughts plus a multitude of other questions created many possible answers and ideas. But only one answered the most important question I seem to have these days.
Dealing effectively with so called tough times.
My answer to that is this.
Love. It will help you to enjoy the ride of every storm. If you embrace the hurt..then dealing with it becomes easy. Love ALL parts of oneself (even the flaws as others may call them) and finding a sort of haven during times of self loathing doubt and uncertainty. If dealing with a rude and normally repulsive person then soak up that rudeness and love it for its raw honesty. Because LoVe is the only way to cope. It makes that mountain everyone climbs an ant hill. Even Loving the HIV positive me allows me the right to put my health and needs first.
I shall love it all ..No matter what comes my way.
I see now that to be truly happy and to deal with those things I wished not to, I must embrace the bad in my life as well as the good!!
All the pleasure, favorite and good stuff.
Along with the hurt, sad and bad stuff!!!
I say today, the purposes of my life is to:
Love it All
and Make the Best of it!!!
Questions that I think we've all asked ourselves at one time or another.
"What is the meaning of life?"
"What is my purpose in life. Or put another way; "Is there a reason or anyway to explain why I am here,"
"Does god exist?"
"How do I deal effectively with difficult times this life gives me"
"What is reality?"
Thinking these thoughts plus a multitude of other questions created many possible answers and ideas. But only one answered the most important question I seem to have these days.
Dealing effectively with so called tough times.
My answer to that is this.
Love. It will help you to enjoy the ride of every storm. If you embrace the hurt..then dealing with it becomes easy. Love ALL parts of oneself (even the flaws as others may call them) and finding a sort of haven during times of self loathing doubt and uncertainty. If dealing with a rude and normally repulsive person then soak up that rudeness and love it for its raw honesty. Because LoVe is the only way to cope. It makes that mountain everyone climbs an ant hill. Even Loving the HIV positive me allows me the right to put my health and needs first.
I shall love it all ..No matter what comes my way.
I see now that to be truly happy and to deal with those things I wished not to, I must embrace the bad in my life as well as the good!!
All the pleasure, favorite and good stuff.
Along with the hurt, sad and bad stuff!!!
I say today, the purposes of my life is to:
Love it All
and Make the Best of it!!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Who's The Fool
Despite recent negative developments in my marriage my effort and interest have always been in that directions. Speaking with him for the first time yesterday; Geoffrey only brought up past arguments and problems.
I've been sending him message after message trying to reconcile because I do love him but I can't take being shut out of his life for much longer. Everyday that passes moves us further and further apart from our relationship and the love that we share.
This has been one of the most trying times in my life and I just hope it ends sooner than later.
On this April 1st I wonder..
Who's the fool? The fool or the fool who loves the fool?
I've been sending him message after message trying to reconcile because I do love him but I can't take being shut out of his life for much longer. Everyday that passes moves us further and further apart from our relationship and the love that we share.
This has been one of the most trying times in my life and I just hope it ends sooner than later.
On this April 1st I wonder..
Who's the fool? The fool or the fool who loves the fool?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
How I'm Starting Over
The past months have been an interestingly sad and rough time for my marriage. So many things have gone quickly awry that even knowing where to start in this tale seems impossible.
Despite taking vows and committing myself to a life long relationship today finds me separated, considering a divorce and staying in the Bay View District at friends place.
It's easy to accept that we both are to be held responsable for how we treated and dealt with problems. It seems like everything was an argument and those led to screaming match's and on a couple of sad occasions, kicking and hitting.
Most of my belongings are still at Geoffreys but I was however able to rescue my dog this past week. We gotta love small victories!!
It was a hard seven days with out her and it's very mean that she was purposly kept from me. But I have her now and we both will adjust.
This next week I'll start the painful process of seeing lawyers and applying for GA(general assitance) while looking for a job. I've also a doctors appointment and other social/personal/professional commitment this coming week. There is lots to do and hopefully I'll keep me busy starting over..my life getting better is only going to happen if I make it so.
Despite taking vows and committing myself to a life long relationship today finds me separated, considering a divorce and staying in the Bay View District at friends place.
It's easy to accept that we both are to be held responsable for how we treated and dealt with problems. It seems like everything was an argument and those led to screaming match's and on a couple of sad occasions, kicking and hitting.
Most of my belongings are still at Geoffreys but I was however able to rescue my dog this past week. We gotta love small victories!!
It was a hard seven days with out her and it's very mean that she was purposly kept from me. But I have her now and we both will adjust.
This next week I'll start the painful process of seeing lawyers and applying for GA(general assitance) while looking for a job. I've also a doctors appointment and other social/personal/professional commitment this coming week. There is lots to do and hopefully I'll keep me busy starting over..my life getting better is only going to happen if I make it so.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Becoming Buddha
In Buddhism, buddhahood (Sanskrit: buddhatva.Pali: buddhatta. Or (both) buddhabhāva) is the state of perfect enlightenment (Sanskrit: samyaksambodhi. Pali: sammāsambodhi) attained by a buddha (Pali/Sanskrit for "awakened one").
In Buddhism, the term 'buddha' usually refers to one who has become enlightened (i.e., awakened to the truth, or Dharma). The level to which this manifestation requires abstraction from ordinary life (ascetic practices) varies from none at all to an absolute requirement, dependent on doctrine. In Theravada Buddhist traditions, it is held that the person attains this state on their own, without a teacher to point out the Dharma, in a time when the teachings on the Four Noble Truths or the Eightfold Path do not exist in the world, and teaches it to others. In contrast, certain Mahayana Buddhist traditions (particularly those that consider the teachings of the Lotus Sutra to be paramount, which contains this concept) Buddhahood is considered to be a universal and innate property of absolute wisdom that is revealed in a person's current lifetime through Buddhist practice, without any specific relinquishment of pleasures or "earthly desires". Thus, there is an extremely broad spectrum of opinion on the universality and method of attainment of Buddhahood which is correlated to which of Shakyamuni Buddha's teachings that a school of Buddhism follows.
More broadly, it is occasionally used to refer to all who attain nirvana.[1]. In this broader sense it is equivalent to Arahant. According to Theravada Buddhism, all Arahants (or Buddhas in the broader sense) are the same in the most fundamental aspects of Liberation (Nirvana), but differ in their practice of perfections paramis. Mahayana Buddhism, however, considers there is a fundamental difference between Buddhas and ordinary arhants, on the way to becoming a Buddha, a buddhist proceeds bodhisattva stages. Buddhists do not consider Siddhartha Gautama to have been the only Buddha. The Pali Canon refers to many previous ones (see List of the 28 Buddhas), while the Mahayana tradition additionally has many Buddhas of celestial, rather than historical, origin (see Amitabha or Vairocana as examples, lists of many thousands buddha names see Taisho Tripitaka no 439-448). A common Theravada and Mahayana Buddhist belief is that the next Buddha will be one named Maitreya (Pali: Metteyya).
In Buddhism, the term 'buddha' usually refers to one who has become enlightened (i.e., awakened to the truth, or Dharma). The level to which this manifestation requires abstraction from ordinary life (ascetic practices) varies from none at all to an absolute requirement, dependent on doctrine. In Theravada Buddhist traditions, it is held that the person attains this state on their own, without a teacher to point out the Dharma, in a time when the teachings on the Four Noble Truths or the Eightfold Path do not exist in the world, and teaches it to others. In contrast, certain Mahayana Buddhist traditions (particularly those that consider the teachings of the Lotus Sutra to be paramount, which contains this concept) Buddhahood is considered to be a universal and innate property of absolute wisdom that is revealed in a person's current lifetime through Buddhist practice, without any specific relinquishment of pleasures or "earthly desires". Thus, there is an extremely broad spectrum of opinion on the universality and method of attainment of Buddhahood which is correlated to which of Shakyamuni Buddha's teachings that a school of Buddhism follows.
More broadly, it is occasionally used to refer to all who attain nirvana.[1]. In this broader sense it is equivalent to Arahant. According to Theravada Buddhism, all Arahants (or Buddhas in the broader sense) are the same in the most fundamental aspects of Liberation (Nirvana), but differ in their practice of perfections paramis. Mahayana Buddhism, however, considers there is a fundamental difference between Buddhas and ordinary arhants, on the way to becoming a Buddha, a buddhist proceeds bodhisattva stages. Buddhists do not consider Siddhartha Gautama to have been the only Buddha. The Pali Canon refers to many previous ones (see List of the 28 Buddhas), while the Mahayana tradition additionally has many Buddhas of celestial, rather than historical, origin (see Amitabha or Vairocana as examples, lists of many thousands buddha names see Taisho Tripitaka no 439-448). A common Theravada and Mahayana Buddhist belief is that the next Buddha will be one named Maitreya (Pali: Metteyya).
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Buddhist Thought for the Week
I teach that the multitudinousness of objects have no reality in themselves but are only seen of the mind and, therefore, are of the nature of maya and a dream. ...It is true that in one sense they are seen and discriminated by the senses as individualized objects; but in another sense, because of the absence of any characteristic marks of self-nature, they are not seen but are only imagined. In one sense they are graspable, but in another sense, they are not graspable. -Buddha
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Buddhist Thought for the Week
INDIAN POEM
"This day is a special day, it is yours.
Yesterday slipped away, it cannot be filled anymore with meaning.
About tomorrow nothing is known.
But this day, today, is yours, make use of it.
Today you can make someone happy.
Today you can help another.
This day is a special day, it is yours."
"This day is a special day, it is yours.
Yesterday slipped away, it cannot be filled anymore with meaning.
About tomorrow nothing is known.
But this day, today, is yours, make use of it.
Today you can make someone happy.
Today you can help another.
This day is a special day, it is yours."
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Buddhist thought the week
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Buddhist Thought for the Week
A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals a secret of hidden treasure. - Buddha
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Buddhist thought for Last week
The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
Atisha
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
Atisha
Friday, January 30, 2009
Buddhist thought the week
No matter what one does, whether one's deeds serve virtue or vice, nothing lacks importance. All actions bear a kind of fruit. - Buddha
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Buddhist thought the week
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Day
Thank you Dr. King for paving the way for a brighter future and standing up against injustice. Our country is a better place for everyone because of your sacrifices.
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